Leaving the joneses behind
In society we often hear the term, “Keeping Up with the Joneses.” But what does this really mean?
For purposes of this blog, we will refer to Keeping Up With The Joneses as “KWJ.”
Webster's Dictionary defines it as such: “to show that one is as good as other people by getting what they have and doing what they do.”. I would define it as trying to be like those around you in order to gain their acceptance. You may be wondering how this relates to personal finance. Well, in order to be like those around you, you will likely need to spend a great deal of money.
I like to tie in personal experiences in these blog posts, so I will start with my own case of KWJ as early as the fifth grade.
In elementary school, I vividly remember wanting to be liked, and I think most kids wanted this. One way that kids sought attention was through the clothes they wore. If you had the best outfit on, all eyes were on you. Back then, that meant an Aeropostale or Hollister hoodie paired with skinny jeans and Jordans. For the record, none of this was cheap. I still remember asking my mom for my first pair of Jordans, the “Jordan Sixty Plus.” I felt so cool walking into school with those shoes on. It had a beautiful black and yellow colorway, and they definitely gave me the validation I was looking for. I wore those shoes for the entire school year. Throughout the year, though, the validation faded. I slowly realized that in order to sustain this new status I had, I needed to have more than one pair of Jordans…
As I got older, this pattern of behavior stuck around. At 18 years old, I spent an entire summer saving up money to buy a 2007 Honda Civic Si. At the time the car was 10 years old, but it was still expensive because it was a sports model. My initial desire to buy the car was genuine, as I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift car. When I got the title to that car in my hands, I was elated. I can’t put into words how excited I was; I was finally going to learn how to drive a stick shift car. Although I did learn how to drive stick shift, the excitement around my car faded. I would see other people with similar cars on the road. But their cars had something mine didn’t: modifications. So what did I do? I spent every penny I had on customizing my car. I found myself justifying the purchase of a new entertainment system, better suspension, and a body kit. In the span of five years, I spent upwards of 10-15K on that car. Much of which was paid using high-interest installment payments and credit cards. I was spending money I didn’t even have... What is unfortunate is that I couldn’t tell you where that car is today; I sold it to a random guy for a fraction of the price.
Looking back, I can see what I was doing. I fell into the trap of KWJ. Everything I did was to impress others. It’s been a few years since then, and I am glad to say that I have shaken that habit. I am now at a place where I can make better financial decisions. I believe the reason for this is because I saw how staying on that path would lead to no good. You see, in elementary school, making these poor choices was not detrimental as the stakes were low. At 18, although I wasted a ton of money, I was still young, so I had time to recover. At 25, if I had stayed on that track, the purchases would have only gotten bigger. I say all of this to show that I myself was no exception to KWJ.
I believe that a number of people fall into this trap. You will often see the following chain of events: Becky buys a bigger home, so you buy a bigger home; Becky goes on a weeklong vacation to Punta Cana, and you follow suit. For younger folks it may look like this: My friends want to go out for drinks, so I am going as well even though I don’t want to. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these purchases. The problem arises when you are doing this solely for the attention of others. You see, it’s not an even exchange. You exchange money for validation. The only issue is that the validation is temporary. It’s the equivalent of buying a dog and then being told you don’t get to keep the dog unless you keep making payments for the rest of your life. Validation has a price, and that price is a constant stream of money flowing from your wallet. It never ends; it will never be enough.
I have a better proposition for those struggling with KWJ. Leave the Joneses Behind. When you stop spending your hard-earned money for the approval of others, you gain freedom. Freedom in the sense that you are no longer a slave to what others think you should be. But also, freedom in that you can now begin using your money for what you believe is important. You can use your money towards your values and goals, whatever they may be. I am fully aware that this is not an easy task and can even be painful. But both Keeping up with the Joneses and Leaving the Joneses Behind involve pain. The pain of KWJ is that you are forever a slave to the acceptance of your peers, and you will go broke trying to impress them. The pain of leaving the Joneses behind is that you lose the acceptance of those around you. You have to decide which pain is worse and make your decision.
Hindsight is 20/20; I didn’t know years ago that what I was doing was for others. So I can understand that people who struggle with this may not even be aware. If you are unsure if you are falling for the KWJ Trap. Ask yourself the following question when making mid- to large purchases: “Am I purchasing this because I want to, or because I want to maintain status amongst my peers?”. When you ask yourself this question, you will come to the truth. As it is easy to lie to others, but hard to lie to ourselves.
My suggestion, Leave the Joneses behind.
My 2007 Honda Civic Si probably on its way to be stripped for parts.
